– “Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it he could fire Alan Sugar. – “Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott. – “Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark. – “Some say he can swim 7 lengths underwater, and he has webbed buttocks. – “Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for 1000 days. – “Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground. – “Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. – “Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world, if you turn your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts. – “Some say that he’s terrified of ducks, and that there’s an airport in Russia named after him. – “Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees. – “Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he’s confused by stairs. – “Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals. – “Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all his legs are hydraulic. – “Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he’s scared of bells. – “Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks this way. – “Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue. – “Some say he’s wanted by the CIA and that he sleeps upside down like a Bat. – “Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. Each one is linked to the episode in which it was said. The only complete and up-to-date list of Stig quotes on the Internet, listed in the order of which they appeared.

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